Cop Lines

- "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

- "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

-
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't
know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

- "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

- "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

- "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

-
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

- "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."


- "Just how big were those two beers?"

- "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

- "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

- "In God we trust, all others are suspects."